


Lampe Licht

by Gymnopedies (Blancmange)



Category: Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 09:50:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14422833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blancmange/pseuds/Gymnopedies
Summary: the broken boy is healed again





	Lampe Licht

**Author's Note:**

> A due disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I am in no way associated with the individuals portrayed nor intend to make any insinuations regarding their personal lives, habits or preferences.
> 
> *
> 
> just what have I done
> 
> Set in 2016, that's how I envisioned it.

All we planned to meet for was to run errands, and that was what in fact kept us busy for most of the day.  
  
As we went about our business, I could notice him giving me looks, looks of various kinds, all full of emotions. I've known him for years; it was only natural I had no difficulty in identifying each. All strong, conflicting at times: embarrassment and inadequacy, joy and admiration, perhaps even… I couldn’t bring myself to let that one thing cross my mind. I was afraid, didn’t even know of what more: that he does, or that he doesn’t anymore?  
  
For some reason, I was particularly happy to accept his offer to have a stay at his place this time. It was a rather natural thing we would do all the time for each other in such circumstances: why bother with bed and breakfasts if both of our living quarters had all the space you'd need? _All too much space._  
  
By the time we have made it back, I was too knackered to think straight. Not really bothering with making myself feel at home other than taking a quick shower, I promptly rolled in bed, my sleep coming surprisingly easy, but not lasting for long. I looked at the time; that was quick, two hours. It's happening again: two hours of night sleep, then several more of being wide awake and alone with my thoughts.  
  
And well, I had a lot to think about.  
  
Some drifted off to that one late afternoon from quite some time ago. My bossy side got to show again; I showed up in London even though he insisted I didn’t; himself wrecked over a relationship of his coming to an abrupt end. I remember being pretty shocked: boy, just how did this happen, they looked like a perfect couple? The last time I’ve seen them together, she appeared to be head over heels in love with him and that was hardly two weeks before. Paul was kneeling above a pile of clutter tossed together in the middle of the living room (''she said I could keep this''), sobbing with his face hidden in his hands; I came down on mine by his side. As I took my hand to his shoulder to give him a pat, he lurched into my arms with a wail, his tears leaving a wet patch on my shirt. Everything following this was an instinct: my hand moving over to stroke his head, sliding over to his cheek, myself shifting… My lips pressing a kiss to his forehead. He pushed me away before I could place another, storming out to another room. Fiddling mindlessly with what I thought was a makeup brush, I felt like crying myself. The fucking nerve. What was I thinking?  
  
We didn't exchange a single word for the rest of that day; for most of the following one as well, actually. But I could tell that this moment, however awkward and uncomfortable it came to be, actually changed something between us. Something was starting anew. And I had this feeling it wasn't just about the woman being out of the picture now. But for the time being, I preferred to be as inexpressive about it as possible.  
  
And now it was still holding me back, paralysing me. I didn't want anything to show from my side, keeping Paul at distance at the same time without even thinking about it. What would I say if I saw myself right now? Pathetic, I think. The common thread had always been that I was the powerful, expansive one, large and in charge. What were I right now when nobody got to see? All alone, cradled in a guest room bed in the dead of night, tossing and turning, tormented. _Sleep, sleep, sleep, just let me sleep,_ went one part of my brain as I threw a pillow over my head.  
  
I need to see Paul now, went the other. And it suddenly felt like a matter of life and death to me. Before I knew it, I was pulling my trousers back on, I was treading lightly until I reached the door of his bedroom; clutching at the doorknob, eventually slinking in as fast as I could do it.

He was fast asleep, his arm slung across the pillow, most of his face pressed into it. I held my hand to my mouth, trying to stifle a happy noise about to leave: Paul was just the most beautiful thing even when he slept. And for some reason, I felt so… Relieved. He slept like a baby, deep in it enough for his breath to come out in a small snore now and then, all while knowing I'm around. He felt safe.  
  
How come I’d never had this much appreciation for it earlier? Careful to not to disturb him, I slinked on the bed right by his side; having adjusted myself in a comfortable position, I let my arm rest across his midriff. I was intent on limiting myself just to this… But then, almost against my will, I tightened my grasp and clung closer to him; nosing against his clothed shoulder.  
  
''All these years… You were with me almost everywhere… always so happy to follow me'' I mused, ever so quietly, more to myself than to him. ''And then… I just let you go.''  
  
The telltale quivering in my chest, the squishing in my nose; I was on the verge of tears. For a moment, I really wanted to wake him up and just say it all in his face, see that precious, soft smile spread over it; even if it was to come down to him apologising to me for what I was supposed to apologise… But I wasn't all that sure if this is yet what I should say. As for now, I preferred to keep this just between me and the dimness of the bedroom.  
  
''You deserved so much more… so much better than what I would ever give to you,'' I continued, looking at nothing in particular, letting my gaze just travel across the room. ''Why did I have to lose you to realise all of that? What a wanker have I been?''  
  
I closed my eyes, a bit fatigued by that emotional monologue; all that registered with me now was the gentle sound of his breathing. ''I love you. I always have, I've just been too much of a dolt to never let you feel it.''  
  
''You are a big dolt,'' Paul muttered, never lifting his face from the pillow, and I flinched in surprise. He must have been awake, just pretending to be asleep through most, if not all of this; my embarrassing confession I now wished I had kept to myself. Even though I could tell he smiled, I anticipated his next words somewhat nervously.  
  
He turned himself around to face me, blinking his eyes and screwing them shut to wring the last of remaining sleepiness away from them. ''Well, if you didn’t mean to wake me... You could have at least tried to not to plop on the bed with all you've got,'' he chuckled quietly, smile never leaving his face. Oh, so I really wasn’t all that gentle and discreet about it as I wanted.  
  
''I guess... I should have remembered you aren't the soundest of sleepers.'' I rolled myself upright, intent to leave; feeling awkward, a bit unnerved by the prospect of a talk that was just due to happen. This was when Paul followed suit; having first turned on the little lamp on the nightstand, he reached out his hands, planting them on my shoulders to stop me. ''Hey… Wait.'' he murmured, moving himself closer. ''About… About what you just said...''  
  
I suddenly found myself at loss for words, my stomach sinking.  
  
''I've always felt it… Even if it was a bit… difficult to at times.'' I could sense that little bit of sadness in how he accentuated the last words; I bit my lip, hardly managing to hold back a distraught gasp, the hurt and the disappointment I've brought upon him catching up with me again. ''Still, I thought I'm going to live the rest of my days without hearing that from you.''  
  
"That I'm a dolt?" I laughed, scratching my head nervously. "Or a wanker? Well, then-"

"That you love me." These words immediately drew my attention to him and away from fidgeting. Still sat on his haunches, he coaxed me to turn and face him; once I did, he took his hands to my cheeks, not taking too much time to pull me into a kiss.  
  
I was stupefied. Where, when did he learn to kiss like that? Well, I could have theories, but I didn’t want to occupy my brain with them. It wasn’t an improvement in technique so much as the eagerness, the impatience of it. His entire body spoke desire; the language he tried to modestly suppress, and which I didn’t want him to. It was marvellous, and I wanted all of what he’s got; here, right now.  
  
"What's... Gotten into you?" I laughed quietly, a bit smugly against the remainder of the kiss, broken by him as he moved to mouth softly at my chin and jawline.  
  
"Please. Just… Please." The sound that accompanied his pleas was something between a soft sob and a wanton moan; a noise that was still just as demure and soft as he's always been himself, but still so carnal I couldn't believe it. Trying to wrap my head around possible outcomes, I whined a bit myself.  
  
"Please what?" I murmured, flicking my finger against his chin. It was definitely my old habits talking, but Paul didn't seem to mind it at all; it looked like it was just the opposite.  
  
These words I may have already heard from him, but the way they sounded right now; I already knew it would be ringing in my ears and echoing through my head for days to come. "I… I need it. I need you. Here and now." he mumbled, backing out slightly towards the headboard; his one hand beckoning me to follow him, another reaching out to flick the light off.  
  
He did tense up a bit underneath me as I finally crawled up to hover over him; just as if it was only now when he realised what consequences his words might have. His apprehension was still there and it was undeniable, and once again I had this terrible thought: it's all my fault. Wasn't it, though? Letting out a soft, vibrating sigh, moving his gaze away from me, he planted his hands on my chest, and for a second I was sure it was to make me stop.  
  
"Do you actually want..." The same hands then went on to trace shapes all over my upper body, fingertips just barely gliding over in a featherlight manner. What little could he see earned a snicker out of him, his hand going to cover his mouth and bite a bit over his nails. "I want… I want all of this…?" There he was: his trademark shyness has for once again rendered his attempt at being suave bumbling and awkward, but… Did I really mind?  
  
All I wanted is to return the favour. All I wanted was to make him finally mine.

Most of his reluctance only lasted for so long; soon enough, I could feel him softening, mellowing under my touch, all of his body giving in to me. And hell if I didn't know where to go, where to strike… Though before I could plan any moves, he decided to actually take the lead; the soft grasp of his hands over my own moving them, letting them roam all over.  
  
"What do you wanna do with me now?" I crooned, stretching my thumbs out to give a few tiny, playful strokes. Without a word of response, having shot me a coy glance, he took them to his hips; pressing at my knuckles to hook at and slowly drag his underwear down. "Oh, I get it." Leaning in to scatter pecks across his neck, revelling in the small joyful noises of his that came along with them, I gave the garment a few sharp tugs to move it out of way and expose him. He made the task that easier for me by arching up just slightly, his own hands actively removing the now unnecessary piece of fabric. Once I managed to peel it off of him completely, I cupped his knees in an attempt to spread them open. The bewildered whine that erupted from him made me a bit guilty, although I couldn't help but be so endeared by it.  
  
"Heey," I laughed softly, letting my fingertips brush against his length. "I like what I see." He's always been really self-conscious about his endowment, or how he himself would put it, 'the lack of it'. I could argue with that. There wasn't really anything to be that ashamed of: as he fully unveiled from his resting state, he would grow a cock of rather average length, but pretty decent girth. He called it a peanut, or a pickle at best; I called it dainty and shapely. The old timey Greeks loved it that way, so why couldn’t I? Besides, I felt that would always give him a chance to prove his worth in more than just one area… If only he could appreciate that.  
  
Never moving my eyes away from him, careful for any signs of resistance, I slipped my arm underneath his knees, nudging each slightly up until they bent, running another hand down his lower body. He quivered a bit, letting a happy little hum roll off his lips. I was somewhat relieved to see him cooperate, to notice him getting my hint. He was ready for this, I was more than ready too. I took one of my fingers to my mouth, rolling my tongue around it to get it as wet as possible before I...  
  
"W-wait," he stammered, raising his hand to reach my thigh, stroking it carefully. "I've got..." His hushed voice was vibrating with a mixture of anxiety and embarrassment as he poked his fingertips into the muscle, "I've got… Something better for… What I think you wanna do." he finished the phrase with a laughter; sweet, albeit unnerved.  
  
"Oh, yeah?" I raised an eyebrow, seeing him wriggle from underneath me and reach for somewhere near the bed, scrabbling to find something there. He was purposefully taking his time with it, guessing from bewildered glances he was shooting me now and then. ''Oooh, it must be-''  
  
"...There." Cracking a small, bashful smile, he handed a small bottle over to me. Even though the packaging would not give out much about the amount of liquid inside, I had this sudden  thought that he for sure as hell didn't keep it in there just for decoration. _What with? Who with? How?_ This thought stirred up some mild jealousy in me, although soon enough replaced with sheer amusement and, honestly, curiosity. _What else could be under that bed?_ I shook my head slightly to regain focus, moving on to uncap the bottle and pour some of the stuff over my fingers.  
  
"Is this what's taken you so much time to find?" I teased him, still lathering my fingers. Upon inspection, it was slightly different than what I was familiar with: a bit greasier than usual water stuff, pretty sticky despite how runny it was. Holding back the urge to word my previous thoughts, I grabbed on his buttock to move it to the side, squeezing a hearty dollop all over his crack. The feel of wetness against heated, sensitive skin must have been what earned a little whine and a flutter of muscle out of him. Pleased with that reaction, I let my previously slicked up fingers slide up and down, circling around the opening; the tip of one tapping against it and pushing on until he finally relaxed enough for me to be able to slip it inside.  
  
"O-ohh…" His body shuddered sharply under the sensation, one that was definitely familiar to him, yet that also must have felt like a completely new thing now. Nestling myself by his side at the same time, I found a slow, exploratory rhythm, my other hand stroking a path between his cheek and neck. In such meagre lighting, there was a lot left to the imagination, but what I could see, what I could absolutely enjoy were the little grimaces his face was twisting in; the shy, needy noises, his core clenching now and then… Ah, all this time and he was still tight, really tight; could there be a thing I could do about it?  
  
His hips gave a single, quick buck as I crooked my finger inside him, the reaction followed by a groan, throaty and loud. It quickly faded into a whine of embarrassment I couldn't help but laugh a little bit at: ah, it's finally something, something deeper than these little, guilty chirps. However sweet they could be. I repeated the very motion twice more, to see if I could tear more of these off of him: absolutely.  
  
Having felt me take another one of my digits to him, nudging against the opening, he let out a gentle sigh. "... okay?" Satisfied with his soft uh-huh of a response, I pulled out to reenter him moments later with two fingers now, slathering lube generously over the area.  
  
"A-ah." Quite honestly, I had no idea how was it going to feel for him after all this time, if it was actually going to be any good. But he didn't protest. He… Wanted it. By then, I went on to cling to him in the fullest, pouring myself all over him. My one hand never stopped thrusting into him gently, lazily, all while I let the other run over and pull his shirt up.  
  
He let out a small, wary groan, taking his own hand to my wrist, trying to stop me from this particular activity. "I'd… I'd rather keep it on," he sighed, "please let m-m-me-." his voice was reduced to surprised, needy stammer as I pushed my fingers deeper, slightly harder than before in a few sure rolls.  
  
I've known him for long enough to know what he really likes, and all I wanted right now was… To give it all to him. My memory was sound enough for me to remember what his little problem is: a pair of little problems. His nipples, still in the shape of round, raised nubs. In the faintest of lights around us, I could catch a glimpse of his face scrunching; soon enough it wasn't facing mine anymore as he turned his head away.  
  
"Don't be… silly, Paul. I know… What you're hiding in there," I murmured, scooting myself down a bit so my face was just across his chest. "You know… all too well… I adore them." There wasn't an ounce of lie in this; I loved them as much as he himself hated them. I couldn't hold myself back anymore; moving closer to one, I ran my tongue languidly across it. So soft, velvety soft; soon after I closed my mouth over it, in desire to get the most of this bliss before it turned into a little, hardened prune.  
  
"Oh… Come on..." He moaned; his hand gliding over my head a few times. I could notice he was actually eyeing me carefully, his fingers raking my scalp as I put my mouth to work. There was a great deal of insecurity in the way his fingers threaded into the locks, combing them in an oddly meticulous fashion, in synchrony with the licks and suckles I was dishing out to him. What a shy, anxious lad he's always been, fidgeting with everything within the reach of his hand.  
  
I ceased all of my activity to take both of my hands to his upper body, running them up to eventually get rid of his shirt altogether. I could hear the little grunt of discomfort coming out of him; I stroked his bicep softly to soothe him out of it. I wasn't really sure if that worked, though, judging by his long, nervous sigh.  
  
"I know I'm not… Too easy on the eye anymore. Not that I've ever been," he gasped, tensing up a little. I couldn't, I wasn't going to have any of this; not when I wanted to admire him, to celebrate him for the first time in so long. "First a scrawny nerd, then a baby hip-" I stopped his mouth with a kiss; distracting him from my hand snaking over to the other, previously untouched nipple, my fingers running and kneading into it in earnest.  
  
"Baby hippos are adorable." I breathed out as I broke away from the embrace, my fingers still fiddling with firm flesh; although in a more reserved, lazier fashion. "Just like… all baby animals are." He snickered in response, his hand reaching out to mess with my hair again m. Well, I’ve never been an ace at love talk; I’ve never tried to be one. I couldn’t even dream of it when I was in fact so nervous, possibly as nervous as he was: it had been a while since the last time we got to be this close together. How long in fact has it been since the last time I could take him in my arms, kiss him, have my hands please him? I couldn’t be bothered to give it too much thought anymore, though. I was in bed with Paul, not with my dear diary.  
  
"Please..."' He mewled some more, taking his hand away from my head to run it down my arm, pressing into the muscle with the heel of his palm as he closed it around. I took my cue, both from it and the needy tones his voice reached. Getting up and on my knees, I had my own hand return to where I took it from previously; acting almost on instinct, he spread his legs further, moving closer to me, nudging his groin against my palm.  
  
Taking just as little time as adding a bit more of lubrication would, I let three of my fingers bury deep inside him, going on in slow, smooth strokes. I closed my eyes to let the delight wash all over me: I was so surprised; almost bewildered with how much of it I took from doing such a simple thing. I leaned against my free hand to hunch over him while I kept on fingering him: twisting my digits around, letting them ride into where every bit of friction left him quivering, shifting around, spitting croaked moans. My eyes were trained on the soft outline of his face, scrunching, his mouth dropping open to bare his teeth; a glimpse of it in the dark.  
  
He trembled and shifted some more when I applied more force, stretching him well enough. I needed him ready, I needed him all hot and welcoming for me; I was raw and brute, my entire focus narrowing to scissoring his humility out of him. Hard enough to make his entire body move, he flung his arm across the pillow, clutching at it for his dear life. I knew he loved it, however hard he tried to hide it. His legs were trembling, closing over my forearm now and then; his hips seemed to arch up and thrust back on me on their own volition. It almost looked like he was about to come right there and now from this; I had this feeling, and if it really could happen, then I was just overjoyed to do it for him. To throw his lover over their edge with fingers alone; quite an achievement for any guy no matter the circumstances.  
  
In that one moment, Paul lifted himself a bit, positioning to recline on his elbows. Feeling his curious stare fixed on me, I slowed down, almost stilling completely. I could tell there was one particular place his eyes weren't able to leave; I could feel it as it already was straining against my trousers to the point of pain.  
  
"You'd usually..." He smiled, reaching his hand out. "...have it whipped out already before... I even got to pop a single button open over mine…" Stopping his hand against my stomach, he let it snake down until his fingers hooked at the waistband of my bottoms; soon slinking down to ghost over the outline of my bulge. "Taking it slow now?"  
  
"Just like you… all the time, ah-." I grunted and bit my lip as he finally graced me with some pressure, palming and fondling at me in earnest before he went on to try and undo my fly. Seeing him struggle a bit with the task, I helped out, not missing a chance to touch his small, supple hand ever so gently. Soon enough, he was able to move on to tugging my garments out of way, finally freeing my fully erect cock; I couldn't help but let out a small, pleased gasp as it bounced along. I could hear him make a one of his own as he closed his palm around the shaft. The motions following were just delicate strokes of his fingers: sliding up and down, outlining the veins, eventually latching onto the tip to expose it.  
  
As soon as I moved my face a bit closer to his own again, he immediately cut the distance short, our lips linking in yet another desperate, aggressive kiss. I couldn't really control myself anymore, going on to grind against him where my cock wound up being pressed between me and his thigh. Still devouring my mouth, his tongue brazenly all over mine, his hand travelled all the way down my chest and belly to grab at me again. I groaned in sheer surprise at first, later being just reduced to miserable whining under spasms of intense sensation as he pulled on me expertly, his thumb effortlessly tracing shapes into the tip. "What a... picture you are..." His voice was so quiet I could swear it's something from above us, or just something in my head, ''I'm not really doing that much and you’re already dying for more, aren't you?''  
  
And hell, just hell if I wasn't.  
  
I tore away from him completely to have a break. I needed to shuck my trousers off completely; going back to sit on my haunches again, I grabbed at him to drag him closer to me, spreading his legs in a one sharp, possessive movement. He seemed to get the hint pretty quickly, shimmying himself along and wriggling his lower body until he could carefully position his arse in my hands. I couldn't help but give the both cheeks a hard, hearty squeeze, followed by a few much gentler fondles; oh god, as ample and lush as I remembered them to be. Perhaps, even more so now. Having mewled a bit in response, he wormed about some more, only to get his own hands to join mine out there, roping them in to spreading himself open.  
  
"Well, and who's dying for more now?" I teased him, verbally on one hand, physically on the other as I went on to ride my cock over his crack and well exposed hole. So inviting already, so tempting. I gave the very tip a gentle push with the two of my fingers to guide it inside; I wished I could fully see all the ease it popped in with.  
  
''O-oh gosh.''  
  
I shot him a glance, transfixed, by then taken by lust myself; and the view was just… Almost too much. My beautiful, still beautiful Paul, in his birthday suit now; his chest rising and falling, exhales coming out now and then as whimpers as I finally managed to enter him, still with as little as the first inch or two sliding in. Gorgeous, shy boy, his eyes dodging mine, his forearm thrown across his face.  
  
I could say I tried my best. I took my hands to his thighs, stroking them fondly all the way up until I clutched at the backs of his knees, sounding his reactions. Having earned a wordless go ahead, I grabbed the bottle left nearby to wring out the last of the fluid left right over my cock. Pleased with it, I pulled his legs up slightly, adjusting myself along so I could deliver that one first thrust. Deep and nearly careless; it had him tense up and throw his head back with a surprised, strangled cry on his lips.  
  
My body gave a small, sharp shudder, the tips of my fingers sinking hard into where they held onto him, pushing a little, pained whimper out of him. After a brief wait, I made a few slow, fluid motions: good grief, he still felt so good. He countered each with a whine, and I frowned.  
  
"Did that hurt?" I was surprisingly stern with him; bossy, even. I almost cringed with that. His face was painted with slight discomfort; eyes wide open, rolling back a bit moments after they locked on with mine.  
  
"Ah… A bit… but 'sokay…" He sighed, his hand moving up my neck to nest at my head as I hunched over him, ''I just think… I'm not as used to it as I was back in the day.'' A brief moment of silence was soon cut short by him, breaking into a soft, heartfelt giggle.  
  
"Just don't dig your nails into me like that." Paul's voice broke into shaky syllables as I assumed a steady rhythm, completely taken over, entranced. Having made him wrap and cross his legs around me, I moved over to lean against my now free hands and above him; losing most of control over my voice, spurred on by his own little cries.  
  
Here was me, taking it all out, all these years of pent up desire; the thought made me almost howl.  
  
My eagerness, overwhelming eagerness pushed him into a near insanity he was trying his best to hold back. His moans and hiccups were filled with this strain; strings of nonsense spilling out quietly, his mouth falling wide open between words. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he clawed at me pretty hard: now he was doing what he'd complained about minutes prior, but I was too absorbed in it to be bothered about that. I could feel the muscles of his forearms work and tighten where they touched me.  
  
It was so hot, but all of sudden, something about that felt to me… Not quite so. Not quite right. It felt like a bloody reality check for some reason.  
  
And as it sank in with me, I went completely still for a second. I was catching my breath, I let him catch his own, having first placed just the smallest of kisses against his lips.  All of this time… I would make our intimacy all about chasing my completion, just my own and only every so often his. That wouldn't matter to me once I've reached it; making me miss out on so much.  
  
''Hey, uh… Are you okay?'' He whispered fondly, moving his hand away from where it clutched at my shoulder to run it over my head. With my face against his neck, tucked close to his chin, I just nodded slowly.  
  
Clinging closer to him, having wound my thrusts down to a languid rhythm, I immersed myself. The tightness and warmth of his body, his quickened breathing, all these increasingly deeper grunts and mewls; I was there to rediscover all of this beauty. This was just what he needed, and I was more than ever before willing to give it to him; guessing from what was painting over his face, I was doing a great job.  
  
I moved my lips higher up, trailing small kisses along the way; I had another thought cross my mind. ''Look… Look, Paulie, how amazing you are. What a good boy.'' My voice cracked into a husk of poorly concealed awe as I mindlessly picked my pace up again; his nails sinking in my back. How he always loved being called that… Even if he'd rather drop dead at the spot than admit it. I began crooning right into his ear, running a string of praises and sweet talk, and for a moment I thought I'm simply telling him what he’d want to hear… That's until I realised I really meant it, I meant every single word I was by now straight up moaning out. ''Good boy. Always so sweet… so gentle for me.''  
  
By that time, Paul's reactions appeared to have lost most, if not just all of their previous humility. His legs, crossed now even tighter around my lower body were shifting and trembling nervously as he flexed and pushed his own to meet and counter my motions; his mouth and tongue were producing a stream of passionate noises, most of which landed against the pillow he pressed his face into.  
  
''Here, let me see you.'' Propping myself against my forearms, I reached out my hands, taking them to his cheeks and turning him to face me; stroking and caressing them tenderly. They were… so hot, so flushed, I couldn't help myself but pass a remark about it; making a point with leaning in and leaving a peck on each.  
  
"Oh god, I know, I must be looking dreadful." He whined through a gentle, bright smile, closing his palms over mine; the honesty and purity of it penetrating me wholly.  
  
It's not like I can see too much, you didn't let me leave the lights on, I thought in response; but decided to not to dwell on it too much. The light of street lamps seeping through the window was just enough to make out the shape of what I needed, and if that made him more confident… There's still going to be time to work on it. ''I don't care what you think about yourself,'' I gasped, our lips just across each other, ''to me… you're still so magical, baby.'' That pushed a deep gasp out of him, after which his body arched up even closer into mine.  
  
"Ohh- I know, I know." He let out yet another messy groan, his arms going on to wrap around me even tighter, fingertips grazing my shoulders. ''Please... Don't stop. Just… don't, stop- aah,'' I could feel his heels dig harder into the small of my back; drawing me closer, urging me in more and more. His muscles were squirming around me, each snap of my pelvis was wringing a fervent cry out of him and making my own stomach twist in knots. ''Oh god… Please- please keep it up… Just like… that...''  
  
''Didn't you say once…'' I gasped, my face just across his. ''You never liked me… going _so hard_ on you like this…?''  
  
''I said you- ahhhh… you never asked... if I do...''  
  
For a moment, I thought it would be him who's going to come now, but that didn't happen; it was me. And it felt like a blow, a something soft edged but searing hot. With a deep, desperate grunt tearing from my throat, I gave my hips just two, three deep rolls before I collapsed upon Paul, my face landing at the crook of his neck; feeling blissfully exhausted and spent all over.  
  
"Who knows... what you could possibly find out about me… if you did."  
  
The moment of silence that followed was almost unbearable, and I had this feeling… Whatever I had planned before has just backfired. I wanted him to go first, just for once, wanted to be able to feel his orgasm right from where it would strike, stand face to face with the beautiful mess it would break him down into. He must have been so close, too… Still, there was something so endearing about this little moment we now shared.  
  
Just the two of us, so open for each other, skin against skin for once again in so long. Too long.  
  
''Hey, it's okay.'' He then murmured meekly, his legs slinking off of me, trembling with strain; his breathing still coming out in pants. He must have sensed that little bit of disappointment in me, somehow I could see it in his eyes. "It felt so good anyway… Amazing… Get some rest now, will you?"  
  
He was doing it again.  
  
"That's gonna wait a bit." I laughed, getting up and on my knees, pulling out of him. Having hissed a bit under the sensation, he immediately crossed his legs: apparently in an endearing attempt to preserve modesty, trapping his still present erection between his dainty thighs and out of view.  
  
''What do you… want to do?'' He asked shyly, in response to me clutching at them to pry them back apart.  
  
There was another thing on my mind as I held him down like this, panting loud, my hand almost flying to the switch of the night light to act on it. I had to hold back; this wasn't the right moment to… For a few moments, my mind was filled with the image, bright and vivid. His sweet, well used hole, dribbling with my fresh seed; the mark of my pleasure slipping out of him between small clenches of muscle.  
  
I moved my outstretched hand back closer to us, letting my fingers run across his groin and feel for it, feel for my fantasy. I dipped just the tip of one inside and it slid in without any effort; oh god, it was so real. All in there, I thought as I pulled back, dragging some of the stuff along and over his inner thigh; the sensation he reacted to with a happy, mellow purr. My eyes never left him as I lowered myself, leaning against my elbows; one hand tight on his hip while I let the other give him a few slow, delicate jerks. ''Hey, you… You don't have to do this...''  
  
I just glanced at him sternly in a way of response, actually earning a happy, little giggle out of him; one I’d never be able to get enough of.  
  
His entire frame twitched as I took him in my mouth, having done so with little wait or hesitation from my side. I could see him biting onto one hand, another clutching at the sheets with all he's got, his gaze still escaping my own.  
  
My enthusiasm soon turned its back on me. Of course I rushed onto it too hard, the tip colliding with my palate and pushing an ugly gag out of me. But I wasn't going to give up so fast.  
  
"I can do the rest my-uhh…" I took it way easier this time, starting as slowly as from broad, lazy licks at the length, moving on to kisses; each increasingly firmer and hungrier than the other. Oh well, hungrier? A thought I had at the back of my head was that it was all so clumsy; given the fact it was literally the second time I've ever done this, there was no way it wasn't. Might never become too hooked on this, but this one time, I was entranced: he was my drug, making me higher than any sort or amount of stuff ever would.  
  
I took a second attempt on taking him and it was slightly more successful. I resorted myself to just small, gentle slides and suckles at the very head; warm and throbbing against my lips. I could tell it indeed wasn't going to take too much time anymore. I felt a bead of fluid sliding out over my tongue as I worked my head, cautiously taking an inch more in the meantime; I rolled it a bit to get a notion of the taste. Weird. Weird, but… oddly captivating.  
  
Paul let out an intense cry as I went down on him again, feeling confident enough to allow him deeper another bit more. I let my gaze travel all the way up before I let it land on his face, alternating between little winces of embarrassment and bliss, pure bliss.  
  
''Awwww, that’s-'' I was spitting words out in brief moment of breaking away from him, ''so- good...'' I came down again, keeping a steady pace, my lips pursed tight. Well, I did a bit of acting there. Maybe a lot more acting than I’d like to admit, but… have I, really? The thought I could really enjoy it was a rather tough one to wrap my head around. He was actually too much into it to notice, either way.  
  
He was unraveling, squirming around, as if intent on escaping my ministrations and the resulting pleasure; as I held onto him to keep him in place, his hips went on to roll and buck against me. I pressed my unoccupied hand against him gently, trying to stop him from doing so. ''Hey, no. Don't rush me.''  
  
''Oh- I'm sorry.'' He muttered in a breathy voice, stilling completely, and I hardly stifled a laugh, completely disarmed, amused.  
  
''That was one thing,'' I let go for a moment, mostly to let my stiffening jaw rest for a bit; just working him with slow pulls, my eyes never leaving him, expecting his own to return the favor. ''But you know...'' I crooned, my hand going faster, tighter around him, adding little licks over a small ridge of skin, ''I know that can feel really good… It does feel so much better when someone else is doing that to you, doesn't it?''  
  
I wanted him to let himself go, just as I have: going back to bobbing my head and sucking him in earnest. Deep and hard, not a care in the world. I ignored everything else that wasn't him and his joy; ignored my discomfort, taking some of its edge off by sinking my nails in his thigh.  
  
And there he was. His body flexed sharply and arched ever so slightly up; crying out in tiny sobs, calling my name out quietly but passionately, he was finally coming. I missed the moment when I should possibly let go of him; hell, I didn't want to. I took all of what he's got, all of his plentiful release deep into my throat. Even then I've just slowed down; I pulled back after I made sure he rode it all out, when my continued motions would cause just perturbed jerks of his frame.  
  
''Oh god… I'm… I'm just… ''  
  
I crawled over him on all fours, looking down to just admire my handiwork, my own breath still hitched. He was still hiding his face in his hands, wiping them over it in an unnerved display once, twice. Having felt my touch on his wrists, he failed to hold back a peculiar noise; after which I could see, I could tell he had just broken into tears. ''Paul? Paul...'' I suddenly felt extremely uneasy with myself and downright scared.  
  
''It's okay, I'm fine... '' His voice was something between a sulk and a laugh, a sweet, endearing snicker that actually felt reassuring despite the hint of nervousness in it. How could I forget how soft and emotional could he be in moments like this? ''That was… Quite a ride, y’know.'' I took my hands to his now exposed face as he laughed some more, gliding my thumbs down the wet streaks where the tears ran down his temples.  
  
I brought my face even closer to his own, close enough for our foreheads to touch. I wasn't sure if it was proper to kiss him again, though, knowing where my lips have just been; soon enough he took me out of my dilemma, lifting himself up just enough to brush his own slightly against mine.  
  
I rolled off of him and on my back, letting out a deep, blissful sigh, letting my eyes float over nothing at all; so glad, so achieved. A moment later, I had him move himself closer and closer until he nestled himself across me, mumbling something through a groggy smile: obviously drifting off towards glorious afterglow sleep.  
  
''Oi…'' I took my hand to his head, letting my fingers thread into soft hair; in a sudden hit of endearment, I scruffed his head playfully, to which he reacted with yet another little, pleased whine. ''Are _you_ going to fall asleep first this time 'round?''  
  
Paul just snickered quietly, latching onto me even tighter. ''I guess. But…-'' He suddenly lifted his head slightly, shooting me a glance, the most alert one he could muster in such a state. ''You stay here.''

''Your wish is my command, sir.'' I laughed, holding his head closer. Giving it mindless pets, I was thinking of everything this was the culmination of. The weeks, months on end of what I could call simple readjustments, but what also was cautious courtship; sometimes sweet and joyful, but bitter and disappointing at times. The moments when I felt we're truly joined at the hip, those when I felt we've fallen too far apart to be more than just business partners again. I didn't want to get him back by stealing him from where he was, not at all: if staying away was his choice, then I would live by it. But however perverse this sounds, the harsh reality gave us a chance. And we have given one to each other.

  
I smiled bright at the smallest, quietest 'I love you, too' rolling off his lips. The cruel voice in my head jeered at me, isn't that just his bliss talking? But… The little spark I could see in his eyes now, the last one before he finally lost to his sleep. The one I'd taken notice of previously already, but never thought he still had any to give for me. Just the purest of love and devotion. This man could never wrong me.  
  
''I'll make us some tea.''

 


End file.
